Amanda-Fi It!

 Hi!

The theme of today's post is taking life and making it mine. 

Whatever life throws at me, my plan is to allow it to be. 

Nonresistance is key here. So I'm going to need to pause and breathe and allow.

Next step: take the thing and make it mine, envision how it can work in my favor and then take the steps and energy of it working out for me into the future. 

That's it, really. 

Tomorrow is the my big day!! I'm flying to Thailand <3

Whatever arises, and I'm sure there will be many unexpected things, I will breathe through it, and Amanda-fi it. 

I'm going to make it all mine. And I'm going to have a lot of fun!

With love,

Amanda

Dream wherever you are welcomes you, may your trials end in full bloom

 Good news! I got my visa approved. It's just the first step of many as far as paperwork goes in working in Thailand for the next two years but for now, it's just what I needed!

The email requesting a new flight date came 11 business days after applying and after a terse phone call with the embassy, which left me more confused than ever, I took a leap of faith that I could leave in the next 5 business days made a new flight. I sent in all the information before the end of business that day and voila, an approval showed up the very next day!!! Much to my happy and relieved surprise :)

I'm excited to get there but also sad to leave. I'm going to miss my family the most. I think I'm more worried about them missing me and worrying about me than I am anything else. I hope they can trust that I'll be safe and sound and feel at ease and happy for me. 

I wonder the kind of person I will be in Thailand. Will I be happy and at ease, will my heart be open? I want to live like that. I want to experience life to the fullest, it's one of the reasons why I'm going. I also just feel I want to, without no other rhyme or reason. I'm just following my heart.

Through this process I've had to remind myself over and over that it'll all work out well for me and to leave it up to God. I've had moments of freak out but not as many as I thought. 

I want to stay open even when I'm scared and know that I can handle anything life throws my way, and I can respond appropriately when I need to. Keep checking in with my gut and trust in myself. So I can enjoy the moment (and not try to make it go by quicker or avoid it. No more hiding). 

As far as friends go, I know I will make them and be happy there. I want to make sure my social life thrives just like my professional life. I want to feel connected there so I won't feel hug deprived from my family so far away. 

I also plan to take care of my mental health and physical health by joining a pilates studio and just keeping myself active and happy with the time I have there. I won't be there forever so I want to take advantage.

Back to the friends, the ones I have here, I will miss dearly. I've built a community around myself that I'm very proud of, and I plan to take this energy to Thailand. I've come to realize that the more I believe in myself and that my vibe will attract the right people and just to stay focus on having fun, the more good friends I will make. I let go of the old energy of fear that made my shy and unsure and left me on the vibe of that, making other friends in that vibe.  

I also noticed recently, maybe because my friends are younger than me, that I feel like I've been taking care of them, doing things for them, driving them around, going where they want to go, driving down to them and helping them with big life decisions. I also know they and the universe take care of me in kind. I plan to speak up more and check in with myself more before agreeing to do things for others, just an extra pause to decide if it's what I want to. I have good boundaries but I'm ready to make them better. I have no intention of backsliding to where I was when I let people do whatever they wanted (because it was easier since they were so picky). Now I decide if I want to or not and I'm happy to say no if that's the case.

It's a work in progress but it's a good progress. 

I also truly hope to affect the lives of my students in wonderful ways. I pray now that they are already blessed before I even meet them. I also pray I can enjoy my work life to the fullest and feel respected and appreciated. 

That's all for now! Countdown: 5 Days till liftoff.

Remembering My Future

 12 days ago I officially applied for the work visa

It will take 10-15 business days. Today is the 10th business day! I believe it will come today. 

I'm envisioning the email coming through, "Hello Ms. Amanda. We need a new Flight Date to approve your visa. Please let us know and we will process it as soon as possible."

And I'll book my flight and send them a date and then I'll be there. It all works out perfectly <3 in perfect time and in the easiest way possible.

This whole experience has been stress-free and it will continue this way. 

All making space for my new version of myself, my new life <3

And before I go, I've been making more friends and connections than ever. Feeling more present and getting myself in the right headspace. 

My big realization is, my business was not a failure, I'm not running away. I'm running toward the next step and my business will expand in unexpected ways and grow <3  It's still growing, and I'm still growing. I'm giving it more flavor. I'm excited about it all!

I want to remember my future now. 

I'm waking up in Bangkok to a beautiful sounds and lights slowly with my alarm clock. I open my curtains and view the city with fresh, vibrant eyes. I turn on my meditation and set my intention for the day. "God put me to good use. Use the talents you gave me to be of your service and for my and everyone's highest and greatest good." Afterwards do a nice stretch. Then I put on my favorite music and walk out my balcony to experience the first part of the day. I take it all in before going to shower and get ready for the day. 

Each day is new and exciting. New sights and smells and sounds and a whole new timeline. I have joy and curiosity in my heart and eager to learn and discover the new place and people and the new parts of me. 

I'm ready to greet my new coworkers and my students with smiles and kindness and my energy. 

I meet my new friends after work and go to an amazing pilates class. Good food is had throughout the whole day! I talk to my family at night before I go to bed. I go to sleep easily with a light and grateful heart. 

Future I'm remembering you now. What an amazing memory. 

Main Character Moment

 Hi Everyone!

If you're reading this, hello! I hope this blog post finds you well, like that email tagline but more genuine feelings of warmth and well wishes and less work curtesy. I hope I find you easing yourself forward in life, despite the difficulties you may be facing, I hope I find you feeling hopeful, and I hope I find you more confident in yourself than ever before. 

It feels strange typing on here again, like an old friend. It's been a good decade since I've written a blog post. 

My aunt recommended that I start this journey off of the right foot and actually write things down as I go through it. Then I remembered I used to run a blog, a book blog to be exact, and here I am back to you. 

You see this journey I speak of...it's a BIG ONE for me. 

I live in the United States, I have my whole life but soon I will be moving to Thailand for 2 years! 

If you would have asked me 5 years ago if this is would be something I would do, I would've looked at you with a giant side-eye for even asking. However, last year my whole life changed and with it, my structured, always-have-a-steady-life personality. (I'm a Capricorn, after all).

Let's just say the old me couldn't eat spicy food, swallow pills, spend money at the mall, get shots/blood drawn, or travel alone. On all of these things, I've done a complete 180!!! 

Last year, I made a big decision and quit my job. It was necessary for my health, and also my growth. I took my hard-earned savings and basically blew through most of it in one epic year (I mean hello? Would the old me even dream of flying to South Korea and wearing a Hanbok and visiting a palace? Definitely not. Well I did. The old me is gone.) 

I've learned many things. I've learned that my voice deserves to be heard and I should speak up for my needs and desires, even if it feels like it'll be useless. There is a power in speaking up that I can feel. Something soul-deep happens when I would keep it to myself. It felt quite crushing and defeating. So even if no one listens or cares, speaking up for myself DOES actually matter. And it does something for me. I don't have to wait for respect. I don't have to be (or look) older. I don't have to seek it from others in order to be allowed to feel it. I am worthy of respect now and in fact, I can demand it for no other reason than I feel I deserve it.  

I've also learned how to do absolutely nothing. I've learned to put my needs first, to say no to others, to cut out friends that are no longer needed, to stay calm in a tense situation/argument. I've also learned how to derive satisfaction from life, not from productivity but just from living, from being. I learned to let go of a lot of the judgement I perceived from others. Quitting my job, building my own business, and making content on social media kind of forced me to stop worrying about what others thought...at least, I care far less now than I ever used to. 

Finally I learned that I can, in fact, live over  full year off my savings and still travel all over the country and the world, with the loving support of my family helping to make it possible. I have no regrets and that feels amazing. 

In as little as 2 weeks time I will be living and working in a country I've never even set foot in. I have a condo ready and waiting for me to move it, bosses/colleagues/students eager to meet me in person, and friends on the other side of the world ready to meet me for the first time, hang out with me and go for food, drinks, and sightseeing! 

It's an incredible feeling. It's also incredibly scary!!! But this past year has taught me not to need to know everything ahead of time. Instead I can move through life just seeing the next few feet ahead or so and trust in myself and my own internal guidance that everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

My mantra has been everything is ALWAYS working out for me. If not this, then something better will happen. This has been difficult the past week because I planned to be in Thailand by now. But my visa did not get approved in time for the flight I had planned to be on with my sister.

I was really upset at first. My sister took off time from work and money out of her own pocket to pay for the flights and hotel room just to be with me and help me find a place to live there. However, things with my visa got delayed and she ended up going alone.

I spoke with my aunt and she told me it will all work out. I tried to take it in but I kept feeling guilty for how it would affect my sister. The responsibility somehow fell on her shoulders to find me a condo in a few days time and by herself.  My aunt knew it would be just fine, my sister is a boss!! She makes moves easily and when she puts her mind to it, she can do anything. She's a solution-focused kind of gal and she never harps on a problem. After all, this was her 2nd solo trip to Thailand. The girl travels alone often and enjoys it! 

Would you believe my sister found me an amazing condo, a great gym nearby,  and even set me up with friends from the realtor she met and a whole network of people to get to know when I move in?! She even figured out the international wire transfer to the condo owner on her own and did it for me since it was 3am for me. I then sent her the money in return but wow!!! She's the absolute best. She was also happy to do it, much to my surprise. 

This, my friends, is the power of my amazing sister. It's also the power of believing that everything is always working out FOR me. I just need to continue having faith (like my amazing aunt and mom told me).

As for the visa, I'm still waiting and I'm ok with that. It's given me the opportunity to spend even more time with my family and friends now. I know I'll miss them all a whole lot so I'm soaking up this time as much as I can. Even this delay, while disappointing at first, is working out the way it was meant to and for my benefit. 

For what feels like maybe the first time in my life I am taking the biggest leap of faith yet and having my *Main Character Moment*  

For once people will look at me and say things like "She is courageous." More importantly, I can look at me and say, "I'm courageous." I am also living in faith, moving towards something I swore I would never do again in a career field I ran far away from. I'm also going somewhere I've never been without knowing a single person there in-person and flying so far from my friends and family and more than comfortable life here. 

But the itch to be with students again is calling me and the urge to travel and experience something new, and the desire to grow as a human being, for my heart and soul, is something I have to do, for me. 

This is my moment. 

My hope is to learn how to live with less anxiety about the future. In Thailand they have a saying "Mai bpen rai" which is also a sort of lifestyle of no worries. Hakuna Matata, if you will. I'm ready to live like this and allow things to pass without thinking them over and picking them apart to death. 

I've also got a better mindset this time around, not to blend into the background and hope my bosses don't call on me for anything but to be fully present in my life! I'm in a space where I step up and make a statement and a splash, to infuse my energy and greatness into the building I'll be working in and everyone I come into contact with will be better off for having met me, will be happier and have more smiles because I'll be there. They will be grateful for my presence and my light. I'll be grateful for theirs. I'll set my intentions everyday and do my "pruning sheers of revision" each night (Thank you "the secret.") I choose now to be present for every moment of my life, even the boring ones, the painful ones, the sad ones, the scary ones, all of it, as much as I can. 

Before I just wanted to be unnoticed in life, to walk by peacefully without being called on, being called to work extra and do things I don't want to do. Now I want to be noticed and respected and believe in my firm boundaries and ability to say no or say my thoughts in a professional, peaceful manner that keeps my heart open and my mind on the present. Sometimes it'll work in my favor, other times not, but I'll continue to believe that life is happening FOR ME and everything happens for a reason and if it's not how I imagined, it's because life is setting me up for something even better!!!!! Take life as it comes, speak up if I feel it, and know it will all benefit me in the end, whatever the outcome or circumstances. 

Often wrong, but never in doubt. I've heard this is a military saying (if I'm not mistaken, please feel free to correct me.) I really like it because it reminds me not to doubt myself or my abilities. If I mess up, I can take responsibility for it, do my best to make it right, know it will all be ok, and give me more data to make a better, more informed choice the next time. 

I'm ready for all of this and if you'd like you can join me for this journey by checking out my blog posts from time to time. This will help keep me accountable and hopefully keep you entertained with the musings of some woman who decided to have her  "eat, pray, love " or "under the tuscan sun" moment Thailand-style. 

I'm ready for the adventure of a lifetime. I'm filled with hope, and a little fear, but mostly hope for the future. 

Wish me luck! (starting with a visa approval). 

xo,

Amanda